Almost two years ago, I went to my friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. It was evident who my friend’s “moms group” friends were and who her pre-baby friends were. The moms group friends were donned in Lululemon, discussing hot topics like when X started crawling and when Y took his first steps, how adorable it was when Z ate bananas and how remarkable B’s ability to express himself was, and how mashed up fruit in a CapriSun like pouch was man’s best invention of the decade. They had no interest in mingling with anyone who didn’t have a baby because how could we possibly understand what it was like? I silently vowed to myself that when I had kids, I wasn’t going to be friends with anyone just because they had kids and that I was going to be able to have conversations about things other than babies. So, a couple weeks ago, I found myself at lunch with a stay at home twin mom that I don’t have a ton in common with, discussing poop explosions when she exclaimed in relief that she was so glad we were having lunch so she could talk about these things because no one else would understand and I thought to myself, shit, did it happen to me?
No, not exactly. I still do regularly see my friends who don’t have babies and I am not planning on becoming best friends with this woman. Most of the people I hang out with who have kids are people I was friends with before and we just happened to have babies around the same time. I have made some new friends (more on this in a later post), mostly twin parents, but they are people who I would definitely be friends with regardless of their having twins. So, I wouldn’t say that “it” has happened to me, but I do find myself talking to my friends with babies about changing poop consistency, the best bibs for drool, Ergo positioning, and nap schedules. When I’m with babyless friends, I find myself self-censoring because I know they don’t care about my babies’ poop consistency, but since I’m still on maternity leave, I have little else to talk about in response to the harmless question “What’s up?” Also, the reality is that with two infants, it’s hard to go anywhere, so the things that we are able to do with babyless friends are confined to 2 hours windows in places close to our house. Thankfully, we have pretty accommodating friends! So, all of this is just to say that you never know – one of these days, I might also think that smooshed up fruit in a CapriSun container is the greatest thing every invented!