Parenting is a messy business. Here’s a 15 hour snapshot (though definitely, thankfully, not representative of most 15 hour spans!)
5:30PM – I get home with the boys and R has pooped. I change his diaper.
6:30PM – T is about to give C&R baths, so I take their diapers off and they have both pooped.
7PM – While I’m carrying R to his crib to go to sleep, he pukes a HUGE puke. It looks like everything he ate for dinner and possibly all day.
5:30AM – R wakes up crying, which he never does this early. I figure he must be hungry since he puked 2 pounds of food last night, so I get him and nurse him. I put him back in his crib and he goes back to sleep.
6:30AM – R wakes up. I get him and nurse him again. He falls back asleep in our bed. T lays by him so he doesn’t roll out of the bed.
6:40AM – I go to get C who has just woken up. I see that his diaper did not contain his poop and it’s run down both his pajama legs. There’s also poop on his sheets from when C rolled around in his sleep after the poopsplosion. I get C to the bathroom and give him a “wipes bath”. If I had been more awake, I would have realized this situation required running water. Instead, I used 10 wipes and then some more for me. He’s crying during all this because what he really wants is to nurse, so I finish cleaning him up and nurse him.
7AM – R is a little fussy. Out of laziness, I nurse him.
We get out of bed to go downstairs to play and have breakfast. R immediately pukes up a massive amount of milk. I guess that’s what happens when you nurse three times in a 90 minute span. I think he’s done puking, so I hand him to T so I can clean up. He pukes on T. I take him to the bathroom. T cleans up himself, our bed and floor. I change R who has pooped (diarrhea). I have to do this while R is standing because he is otherwise threatening to commit kamikaze off the changing table.
At this point, I’m almost naked because all my clothes have been either pooped or puked on.
7:15AM – We get to the playroom. T and I are getting ourselves ready for the day. I take a shower because the milk bath R gave me doesn’t leave me feeling clean. C&R have some Cheerios in their playroom while T is making breakfast. I go into the playroom and step in what seems like spit up Cheerios mixed with milk. No big deal, so I call to T who brings me something to wipe it up with. R seems unfazed that he’s puked and is dancing to Death Cab and New Order. I quickly realize what I have stepped in is actually very runny poop and once I find the source, realize that poop is also running down R’s leg. I guess I didn’t put his diaper on that well while he was standing! Tony takes him into the shower to wash him down and change his clothes. I disinfect the floor and my foot.
8AM T finishes making breakfast. They boys eat, while we watch nervously, fearing that they could puke at any moment. R finishes first and hangs out with me while I fold laundry. C finishes eating and comes to hang out with R and me. T takes R in the kitchen to clean up breakfast. I hang out with C in the playroom. R has pooped again (diarrhea). T changes him. C poops and it’s running down his leg. I actually feel a little better that is wasn’t my fault that R had poop running down his leg earlier. I take him into the shower and wash him off. It looks like we’re using disposable diapers today. We cancel all our plans that involved being in a place where we can’t quickly drive home in case of more puking or poopsplosions.
15 hour poop count: C – 3, R – 5
15 hour puke count: C – 0, R – 2
R is definitely ahead on this one.
I feel like we’re stuck in a terrible Would You Rather/Saw game – puking vs poopsplosions.
I’m so thankful that we have a washer/dryer.